Watch out! Puns ahead!
For a while, when he was down, Pierre-Joseph Proudhon spent some time with Friedrich Engels when he couldn't afford rent. One day, Karl Marx decided to pay them a visit.
Of course, Marx being an old friend, Proudhon and Engels were quick to bring out the tea and cookies. Marx took a bite of the cookie, and exclaimed, "hey, this cookie is quite good!" And then he took a sip of the tea, and almost threw up. He grabbed the pot, removed the lid, and saw that the tea is nothing more than shredded newspaper soaked in water. Marx was furious: "Pierre-Joseph, explain yourself! How dare you call this disgusting liquid tea?"
Proudhon replied, "Well Karl, there's nothing I could do! After all, proper tea is theft!"
...Upon hearing that, Marx could but agree with his ideals. But after forcing down several cups of that vile liquid, he could feel his bowels rumble. So he excused himself to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he washed his hands and flushed the toilet. But instead of the sound of whirling water, he heard wonderful chamber music. He flushed again, and the same thing happened. Excited, Marx ran back to the living room and asked: "Friedrich! Did you know that whenever I flush your toilet, I hear strings!"
Engels replied, "Of course, those are the violins inherent in the cistern."
Marcus was a farmer. He lived just outside of Rome. On his farm he had a berry tree. Year in year out, the tree produced berries of exceptional quality, and it gave him a comfortable life. This one year, however, the tree produced but one single berry. Yet that one berry is HUGE! It started out normal, but after several weeks, got to a few hand's width. And by the time it was ripe, it was several cubits! Marcus can't very well just cart the gigantic berry to the market and sell it there. In any case it most likely would not make him anywhere near what his usual crop would. So after some prompting from his wife, Marcus decided to put up a fence around the berry tree, put out some advertisements, and started charging admission to see this Wonder Berry of Rome.
Customers came, each one paying a dupondius coin, walked in, congratulated Marcus on a job well-done, bought some souvenirs, and left. So continued his new thriving business for a month... until the Emperor heard about it. The Emperor was furious: he was a practical man and abhorred people like Marcus who earned money from unsuspecting folks by outrageous methods instead of normal hard work. So he sent a contubernium to shut down Marcus' "shady operation".
The soldiers arrived at Marcus' door and pounded hard on it, announcing their mission. Poor Marcus scrambled out of bed and begged them to relay a message to the Emperor: "Oh! Please let me keep my income. I would even pay twice the normal taxes, even triple!"
The commanding officer could only shake his head: "Marcus, we came to seize your berry, not to appraise it!"
(Credits should go to my friends Jordan B.-G. and Dan B.) The dupondius is a Roman coin, literally meaning two-pounder, cast in bronze. A contubernium is the smallest military division in the Roman army, an equivalent of a modern squadron, consisting of 8 men.